Dealing With Grief

Romans 8:18, “For I reckon that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us.”

In spite of we as Christians have been told we just like every other person in this fallen world go through times of grief. One author put it this way, “Grief never ends, it’s a passage, not a place to stay. Grief is not a sign of weakness nor a lack of faith, It is the price we pay for love.”

Romans 8:28 says, “And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.” When I was dealing with the loss of my daughter to cancer, I will be honest and say that I didn’t like this scripture very much. How could something so horrible ever work together for any good…ever, and even today it’s a tragedy in my life that I still don’t care to think about but I have learned several things as result of handling grief.

Grief can either destroy you or can motivate you and for me it has allowed me to become more compassionate to others especially those that have experienced loss similar to what our family has. Matthew 5:4, “Blessed are they that mourn: for they shall be comforted.” We receive comfort from not only Gid but from others.

It definitely gave me a different perspective on precious, how fragile life, and how short life is, James 4:14, “Whereas ye know not what shall be on the morrow. For what is your life? It is even a vapour, that appeareth for a little time, and then vanisheth away.”

Grief has allowed me to not be fearful of showing emotions for I once took great pride in keeping my emotions in check. We are often told and have told our children to not cry or to suck it up and take it like a man. With the loss of my friend Russ, then my son Jeff, and then my daughter Sarah I found that I could no longer control those emotions and you know what? Its Okay! Isaiah 53:3, “He is despised and rejected of men; a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief: and we hid as it were our faces from him; he was despised, and we esteemed him not.” Jesus knew grief and likewise understands the grief we suffer as well.

So, with that, I would like to talk about the bit “D”, yes “Depression”. Something that we as Christians ignore and claim that we are immune to it since we are filled with the Spirit of God. After the culmination of the three deaths in a relatively short time even though at the time I would have denied it, I was indeed in period of depression. I was never angry with God, but I was disappointed, because I know our Lord is a healer, but my friend and daughter where not healed.

I thought to myself that how could I ever enjoy life again, what is the point of going on if everything I love is being taken from me. Now I wasn’t suicidal (I don’t think) but I was emotional numb.

So, this gets me to the picture of our cat Bullet that I selected for this blog. I always been okay with cats but I could live without them. So, one day my wife decides to bring this kitten home and I was like why? But watching this little ball of fur run around, get into mischief, lay on my feet, purr as it would nibble on my nose, I began to laugh and smile once again, (we ended up with another cat “Duke” as Bullet was supposed to be a boy and turned out to be a girl and I’m okay with that).

Our cats didn’t save my life for only Jesus Christ can do that but they did change me to start enjoying life which is one thing we need to remember when going through grief is that it will be okay to smile, laugh, and have a good time one day and you shouldn’t feel guilty about it!

Psalms 34:18, “The LORD is nigh unto them that are of a broken heart; and saveth such as be of a contrite spirit.”

The last thing I want to share about grief is that it has made me even more aware of how much I need Jesus in my life, He never left me nor forsook me during my grief or my entire life and one day I will be in His marvelous presence, Revelations 21:4, “And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away.”

This Life isn’t Always Wonderful but a Wonderful life it IS!

I won’t take it for granted that everyone has seen, “It’s A Wonderful life” but it is a classic that even after watching it many times I find myself tearing up at certain sections of the movie. Who hasn’t wiped a tear off his or her cheek when Clarence gets his wings! It’s a story of how your life is so important to others no matter how you sometimes feel you had failed and you have no idea what effect you had on others’ lives.

We can at times feel that his life is too difficult, too tragic, or too sorrowful to continue on.

Ephesians 5:15-16, “See then that ye walk circumspectly, not as fools, but as wise, Redeeming the time, because the days are evil.”

I recently listened to Matthew Wests new song, “Wonderful Life” which gave me the title for this message.

Ron from Houston, Texas, Spent three years fightin’ ALS

If you knew all that he’s been through, You’d hardly say he’s blessed

But smilin’ through a phone call, He said “Let me tell you, friend

This life ain’t always wonderful, But what a wonderful life it’s been”

It’ll send you flyin’ high, It’ll bring you to your knees

It’s the heartbreak and the happiness, And everything between

It’s the laugh until it hurts, It’s the hurt until you cry

Can’t have one without the other, It’s how you know that you’re alive

In this broken and beautiful, Gone mad and magical, Awfully wonderful life

It’s a mountain and a valley, It’s a cradle and a grave

It’s a blessing and a battle, And it’s on any given day

It’s messy and imperfect, It’s a thief and it’s a gift

Yeah, this life ain’t always wonderful, But what a wonderful life it is!

Ron went home to Jesus, Got the call the other day

I sat and cried and thought about, The words I heard him say

I know there is a Heaven, Waitin’ for us after this

This life ain’t always wonderful, But this life ain’t all there is

No, this life ain’t always wonderful, But this life ain’t all there is!

My life like so many here has had some fantastic highs and some lows that if it wasn’t for Jesus in my life and the promise, He has for all of us I wouldn’t be standing here today.

Listen I don’t have all the answers but I put my life and faith in the only one who has the answers though He has that absolute right to not to let me know the answer to biggest questions we have in this world.

I do have an understanding of some things such as why are His people being martyred on a daily basis, John 15:18-19, “Jesus said that they hated, If the world hate you, ye know that it hated me before it hated you. If ye were of the world, the world would love his own: but because ye are not of the world, but I have chosen you out of the world, therefore the world hateth you.”

John 16:33, “These things I have spoken unto you, that in me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world.”

I can also understand the outlook we as those that have Jesus in our lives have will be different for those who don’t have or believe in Christ, Ephesians 2:10-12, “For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus unto good works, which God hath before ordained that we should walk in them. Wherefore remember, that ye being in time past Gentiles in the flesh, who are called Uncircumcision by that which is called the Circumcision in the flesh made by hands; That at that time ye were without Christ, being aliens from the commonwealth of Israel, and strangers from the covenants of promise, having no hope, and without God in the world:”

I even know why death and suffering in is our world, Genesis 2:15-17, “And the LORD God took the man, and put him into the garden of Eden to dress it and to keep it. And the LORD God commanded the man, saying, Of every tree of the garden thou mayest freely eat: But of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, thou shalt not eat of it: for in the day that thou eatest thereof thou shalt surely die.”

That doesn’t mean that I may accept those hardships with a smile on my face or without getting mad at those events that break my heart…but they will never break my spirit!

THIS LIFE INSN’T ALWAYS WONDERFUL, BUT A WONDERFUL LIFE IT’S BEEN!

In the movie “Jumanji, the Next Level”, Danny DeVito starts out as a bitter, sarcastic, old man and makes the statement to Spencer that “it doesn’t get any better” and “Getting Old Sucks?” but we get to see how the realization of how his bitterness had destroyed his relationship with Milo for so many years. He tells Spencer then that “Getting old is a gift, I forget that sometimes, but it is”

THIS LIFE INSN’T ALWAYS WONDERFUL, BUT A WONDERFUL LIFE IT’S BEEN!

Psalms 23 so completely explains the provision God has given to us when life isn’t so wonderful.

Psalms 23:1 “A Psalm of David. The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want. He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters. He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name’s sake. Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me. Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the LORD for ever.”

THIS LIFE INSN’T ALWAYS WONDERFUL, BUT A WONDERFUL LIFE IT’S BEEN!

My view of God has changed completely over the years and not because of the good times. It’s the struggles, it’s the hurts, it’s the pain that has made me into the man of God I am today!

I have learned of Gods tremendous value He has place on each of us…

John 3:16, “For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life. For God sent not his Son into the world to condemn the world; but that the world through him might be saved.:

Isa 41:10, “Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness.”

THIS LIFE INSN’T ALWAYS WONDERFUL, BUT A WONDERFUL LIFE IT’S BEEN!

What is Christmas About to me?

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By Pastor Jeff,

I asked this question on Facebook recently and received answers that I pretty much expected, “salvation, the greatest gift, and God’s love” these are answers I agree with wholeheartedly. Isaiah 9:6, “For unto us a child is born, unto us a son is given: and the government shall be upon his shoulder: and his name shall be called Wonderful, Counsellor, The mighty God, The everlasting Father, The Prince of Peace.”

I must let it be know that I love Christmas, though the commercialism of it can be sometimes overwhelming, but even with that I can smile at. Since my grand kids came along my love for Christmas has grown as I get great joy in finding out what gifts they would like, the shopping for; whether on-line or in the store I find exciting, and then seeing the joy on their faces as they open their gifts.

I love that we have the opportunity to share the gospel as it seems people are more open to the message of Jesus Christ coming into the world to save sinners, who I am chief. John 3:16, “For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.” becomes a powerful verse at this time of the year.

With that I must say that the last and this years Christmas is different in many ways for in the fall of 2018 I lost a good friend and my eldest son passed away, then this past January my youngest daughter also passed on after a battle with cancer. This of course has devastated me as I’m sure many before me that have gone through similar instances have. The interesting thing is that I don’t feel sorry for myself but have become more aware of those around who Christmas or any holiday, birthday, anniversary that has become hard to face.

I’m aware that though I still have that joy since I have hope in Christ Jesus, others don’t, and even those that do can struggle immensely. I understand that pain even with this hope and I realize that some will go through depression, anger, sadness that many can never understand. I become more sensitive to those and though I love this holiday I have learned the hard way that we can’t just brush people off and ignore the real hurt that is going on in their lives. 2Corinthians 1:3-4, “Blessed be God, even the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies, and the God of all comfort; Who comforteth us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort them which are in any trouble, by the comfort wherewith we ourselves are comforted of God.”

To those that are going through tough times, who are hurting, who are mourning a loved one, I want to let you know that you are not alone, and God loves you and is with you in these times. Knowing this is what kept me and still keeps me going even though there is a great hole in my heart!

If you don’t know this God who loved you so much that He became a child, lived, suffered, died, and rose again so that we may have a hope beyond this corrupt world, I encourage you to find a bible believing church. If you are a believer and still are having a hard time, I also encourage you with the word from Apostle Paul in Romans 8:18, “For I reckon that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us.” This life is temporal and relatively short but we will have an eternity to spend with Jesus Christ and our loved ones who have become Born Again.

This is what Christmas means to me this year!

My prayer for you is of comfort, hope, peace, and even that you may find joy this Christmas season, God Bless you!

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Uncomfortably Numb!

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By Pastor Jeff,

I was and still am a little a fan of the Rock group, “Pink Floyd” who did a song in the 70’s called “Comfortably Numb”. Sometimes we welcome numbness when we are battling depression, sickness or disease, and even tragedy we welcome numbness. It’s a kind of a defense mechanism to help us deal and sometimes avoid dealing with things around or in us. This can be helpful if you do eventually allow some of those feelings come back, are able to face them, and get resolution from it.

Being unable to feel pain may sound appealing, but it would be extremely hazardous to your health. Pain is, for most of us, a very unpleasant feeling, but it serves the important evolutionary purpose of alerting us to potentially life-threatening injuries. Without it, people are more prone to hurting themselves and so, because they can be completely oblivious to serious injuries, a life without pain is often cut short. There is in fact a disease called, “Congenital Analgesia” which has disastrous results for those who suffer from it such as severe burns, cuts, biting of their tongues and so on. Leprosy also can leave to nerve damage which can lead to broken bones, cuts, burns as well.

So what do I mean by “uncomfortably numb?” That is the best way I can describe about how I have felt since the passing of my daughter. I’m forever grateful for the 37 years I had with her and know we will meet again but since her passing I have had the range of grief, sorrow, depression, and now numbness. Isaiah 53:3, “He is despised and rejected of men; a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief: and we hid as it were our faces from him; he was despised, and we esteemed him not.” This I know, that Jesus has been with me all the way through this process and His presence has been a immense comfort to me. I really don’t have a clue how a person can get through things in life without Him. I’m also aware that the numbness I have is not something that is beneficial to the Kingdom of God for Christ tells us in Galatians 6:2, “Bear ye one another’s burdens, and so fulfil the law of Christ.”

So this numbness that I have is becoming uncomfortable but I also want to hang on to it for if I have to endure any more sadness it would be almost impossible to accept it. As a christian though it is imperative for all of us to open up our arms and hearts to anyone that God puts in our path. It’s not easy but staying numb to those around us will only cause hurt, brokenness, lack of love for others, and even affect our relationship with our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.

I know there are many others out there that have had tragedies similar or even worse that our family has but if we are to be effective witnesses to our lost and dying award we must step out of that numbness and surrender our wills and lives to Jesus.

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When Words are Not Enough!

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By Pastor Jeff,

Deuteronomy 31:6,“Be strong and of a good courage, fear not, nor be afraid of them: for the LORD thy God, he it is that doth go with thee; he will not fail thee, nor forsake thee.” This promise is repeated in Hebrew 13:5-6, “Let your conversation be without covetousness; and be content with such things as ye have: for he hath said, I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee. So that we may boldly say, The Lord is my helper, and I will not fear what man shall do unto me.”

As our family is dealing with the loss of two loved ones in a period of less than 15 months we have heard the statement repeated several times by people, “I don’t have words” or “I can’t even know what your are dealing with”. This is true as the old Indian saying goes, “walk a mile in his moccasins.” which is plain to understand that you can never feel or understand what another person is going through unless you have experienced the same thing. Even then can be difficult to comprehend as we all react to things somewhat differently based on our faith, relationship, and age.

This saying, “When you can’t look at the bright side, I will sit with you in the dark” comes from the movie in Alice in Wonderland, I had purchased a T-shirt with the phrase and had wore it to a interview from a local newspaper not thinking that a couple months later it would express my thoughts of today. It has been difficult and may never happen for at least me to go back and continue my life as it was before. It’s hard to be in a group and discuss the things that once mattered to me. I even told people close to me that I need to be just left alone, that I had no interest in talking about it, but I know through it all that Jesus was there not telling me it will be alright but sitting with me holding my hand, handing me tissue to wipe the tears from my eyes (figuratively).

Listen, Jesus no matter how you feel, what you are experiencing, what you are thinking, in the greatest hours of despair, Jesus is there! Don’t always expect Him to speak words in your ears, to shake you, to even hug you, but know He is there, trust that!

It’s been very difficult in seeing any good of the tragic loss of my son and daughter and when I shared my daughters legacy in our church the scripture that God gave me is found in Romans 8:28, “And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.” To be honest I don’t feel good about what happened, I do Love God with everything in me and I do believe I am called for His purpose. But the good I can’t fathom, it hurts way to much at this point in time to think that, but I do believe it. Maybe all that will come of it is that I will get to share my story how no matter what has come my way, I can stand, even if my knees may be weak and wobbly, I will still stand, and if you ever find yourself not able to look at the bright-side I will sit with you even in the dark!

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A Time to Weep!

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By Pastor Jeff,

It’s been a while since I have done a blog mainly because I was in a very sorrowful state for the past two months as we were preparing the passing of my wonderful daughter. It is still very hard to believe that she is not with us in this present world but I know without a doubt I will see her soon.

John 11:35, “Jesus wept” the shortest verse in the King James Bible and probably one of the more popular scriptures used in sermons today. I find it amazing how men try to make it out to be something more than it says. We all are aware of the circumstance of this event in which Jesus’ good friend Lazarus has passed away. Jesus when he arrives He is met by Lazarus sisters Martha and Mary who are obviously grieving over the loss of their brother and why Jesus did not come immediately and heal him before he died.

John 11:33-34, “When Jesus therefore saw her weeping, and the Jews also weeping which came with her, he groaned in the spirit, and was troubled, And said, Where have ye laid him? They said unto him, Lord, come and see.” Many have tried to read something into this as Jesus was weeping because of their unbelief or lack of faith that He could not of only healed Lazarus but could of raised him from the dead. Once again I don’t think anything should be added to this scripture to further dramatize the emotion Jesus shared with those there.

Jesus wept, something every person on this earth has done one time or another, we cannot place Jesus on some pedestal that excludes that He was both God and man. Jesus felt emotion, Jesus is not above feeling our hurts, Jesus is not a God that is not acquainted with our grief. The Bible tells us differently, Isaiah 53:3-4, “He is despised and rejected of men; a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief: and we hid as it were our faces from him; he was despised, and we esteemed him not. Surely he hath borne our griefs, and carried our sorrows: yet we did esteem him stricken, smitten of God, and afflicted.”

The last few months have been extremely tough on my family and me. I can count on one hand the days I have not grieved and shed tears over the loss of my daughter. It has been said the average person generates 1.4 ml. of tears a day, I have surpassed that by 20-100 fold. I lay in bed many a night crying before I fall off to sleep, I have had dreams in which I have been weeping and wake up weeping. I weep for my granddaughters who will grow up without there mother, I weep for her husband who will go on with life without his helpmate, and I do weep for myself over the thoughts of going on with events, celebrations, holidays without her, and I miss her so.

Jesus wept, and that gives me hope of a God who knows and shares my grief. I know one day joy will return in my life but today like Jesus did, I weep!

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The Peace that Passes…

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By Pastor Jeff,

It’s been a while since I had a chance to post a blog and I must say its been a very busy past month. My wife, a few friends, and me took a well deserved vacation down to the Creation Museum/Ark Encounter for a Pastor/Leadership conference. I also took a three day training class in Green Bay WI for becoming a Chaplain for the Rock County Sheriffs Dept. which I consider a great privilege.

So as I write this I am also thinking on my Son, Jeffrey W. who our family lost unexpectedly exactly one year ago today. Last week was also the one year anniversary of a good friends death, Russ, as well, so you would think I would be relating about how awful I am feeling. Not So!

Philippians 4:6-7, “Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God. And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.” It has to be one of the worse events that any parent could ever endure in that he or she has to bury a child and I will not minimize the pain that comes from it. It’s been said that time heals all wounds but a situation like this will never heal completely nor would I want it to. Jeff was my son, I loved him and would gladly of traded my life for his.

I also have come to the point in my life that I desire to completely surrender to the will of God and the great part of that is that Jesus is there to help us in the rough times, Matthew 11:28, “Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.”

At times I must admit I feel guilty that I do not feel that horrible ache in my stomach that I have had at the beginning of all this. It’s not that time has dulled the pain or that I did not love my son or my friend. It’s only by the love of God and His peace that I can face this tragedy head on. This brings me to the thought of those who go through tragedies like this without Christ in their lives; I really don’t know how you can. No wonder people head to the bottle, pills, or even commit suicide to run from the pain. I implore you to seek Jesus Christ and draw to Him as close as possible, for that is the only true way you can get peace during these times!

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